The pride in doing things differently

And how to embrace it, grow professionally, and model for your children.

I hear this all the time from my kids. “Everyone is doing/wearing/acting/being….” The desire to fit in or feel like you are part of a group who all feel similar starts young and is deeply ingrained. There’s a comfort to it. I have people. They think like me. I feel validated that they make the same choices I do. And yet, I find I give the same response to them time and time again, one that was been repeated to me by sages who have imparted their wisdom generously. “I understand the want to fit in, to be like others. But is that you? Do you feel like that’s what you want? Is there pride and beauty and strength that comes from being your own person, making your own choices, and being different?”

Fear underlies this decision to stand strong, to be different, to hold yourself up for inspection as opposed to blending in to the group. It is scary to have to defend your choices sometimes. Or is it that we’re not used to doing it and that with regular practice, the joy of being authentic and choosing to do something different than the group could feel more like pride and strength?

This choice lives in our day to day lives - from the banal to the extreme. How we represent ourselves through mannerisms and style. But even more relevant - the increasing push to be on the extremes (whether right or left - if those are even the correct terms anymore) as opposed to being nuanced, informed, interested in segments of all, living in the gray.

There are purported maxims on the the “best ways” to live your life - professionally, personally, in relationships, through parenting. Work harder than anyone else - even to burnout. Sell your soul to the company if they pay you enough. Be it all - the best parent/spouse/child. Essentially, fill everyone’s cup but your own. Why? And for what? Is there pride in doing too much because that is what is expected?

The world around us is changing. No longer are people rewarded for their enduring loyalty to one company, one political philosophy, one parenting style. It feels increasingly out of touch to stay focused on one lane. The future is a life full of collected experiences - hopefully ones that are of your choosing and not those that are in alignment with others’ expectations of you. Curiosity is what keeps us connected to possibility. Without it, we stop learning — and when we stop learning, we stop growing.

Leading is not always about being followed. Sometimes it’s about modeling what it looks like to think independently — to show others that clarity and courage can coexist with empathy. Every time we question “why” we’re doing something just because others are, we practice reinvention. We practice seeing ourselves again — not as others expect us to be, but as we might become. Growth isn’t in the perfection of being right — it’s in the willingness to keep questioning, to stay curious even when the world demands certainty.

We are increasingly living in a world where people live in their own echochamber, get their news and politics from a curated to their viewpoint source, and standing out feels like you are setting yourself up for attack. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can support each other to have viewpoints, ideas, goals, strategy, wants, needs that are different from the group. In fact, I think we increasingly need block out the noise and choose to do so. The simple act of being unique is what’s beautiful.

Maybe it’s time we stop glorifying sameness and start celebrating discernment. The courage to think differently — to question, to pause, to choose for yourself — might be one of the most radical acts left. Reinvention doesn’t always come in grand gestures; sometimes it’s the quiet decision to say, “That’s not me.”

The more I watch my kids, and the world they’re inheriting (as well as creating the kind of world I want to live in now!), the more I’m convinced: the goal isn’t to fit in, it’s to stay awake. To keep noticing when you’ve fallen into patterns that no longer serve you. To remember that growth lives in the in-between — in curiosity, discomfort, and the willingness to evolve in public.